Living in the present moment and truly knowing yourself creates the test of time for happiness. However, instead of living in the now, many people still live wishing for things to get better, thinking, “I will be happier when..” This habit is called happiness destination addiction. In this episode, Elizabeth Barry does a deep dive into this habit – what it is and how to work around it. Are you exhausted from this type of cycle or negative toxic pattern? This episode may be just what you need to hear.
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Overcome Happiness Destination Addiction
Stop Repetitive Habits
It’s time to find your authenticity, your individuality, originality, weirdness, beauty, talents beyond what the ego wants you to be or wants you to look like in front of others. We live in this consistent cycling world of fears, setbacks and blockages. I’m hoping that we discover a new path for you to live in the present moment. That path is going to be revealed, especially if you suffer from what I call happiness destination addiction. How do we live in the present moment rather than the perceived future or the story of what can be better if or when, or even worse in our past?
What we are going to talk about is happiness destination addiction. What it is, how to work around it if we have it, if we find ourselves in the cycle of preparing for something consistently, clenching, holding onto significance, and trying harder because it’s going to be better when instead of living in the present moment. Are you exhausted out there from this type of cycling, this type of negative toxic patterning that has been placed there, maybe unconsciously, it’s a product of our parents, your environment or a situation or the society that you live in, wherever you may live, or your relationship? You are a human being. Most of us are thinking that we are human doing. Most of us try to be humans doing, doing this and that.
Happiness Destination: What Is It?
Let me get this statement in your soul. I want you to sit with it in silence. You are a human being. Can you stop please rushing? What does it mean to you? How do you live in such a place of wishing for things to get better or cycling the living in an “I will be happier when” type of way? What is happiness destination and how can one overcome it? Happiness destination is the consistent thinking about what’s coming next, or wishing that things could be better, or talking about how things will get better if, or when. This type of mindset often has no end. It becomes a cycle, toxic, dramatic, cyclical pattern that’s filled with a repetitive thought that is erratic, frantic and, many times, not based on reality. The difference between wishing for something and manifesting it into our lives versus happiness destination addiction is the idea that when we have a wishing process, once the wish is achieved, we find gratitude. We fill up with love and compassion for the moment and for the wish fulfilled. We live.
With happiness destination addiction, that is when you start to think about, “Things can be better when and so much grander if.” You get to that point where you achieve that wish. Instead of being in the moment with it, you consistently, right away, replace that phrase with yet another wish for things to be better when or if. That is the problem with the cycle. That is the obstacle with this habit. It’s a major success block, not only in business but in love. How often do you try to make your partner better than you perceive them to be? How often do you prod people or nitpick them to do things because they will be better when, if?
There is a real way to approach our relationships and our relationship with ourselves. It’s not this hoping, wishing, dreaming, prodding, pushing and nitpicking. It’s that moment-to-moment piece. If you are reading this and you think that you suffer from happiness destination addiction, and you might find that you live in this hectic mindset that is created with this perfect ending or a happy ending, that things will be so much better when and if, I ask you to take a breath with me here. I ask that you pause in silence and reflect on where this thought process comes from. I will ask you about what is the definition of living out your best life? What is your actual definition of living in the present? What does living in the present moment mean to you? Once you have that idea, you can make that a mantra. You can make that an intention, which is a short-written phrase. “I am going to live in the moment. I’m not going to live in my next consistently, or I’m going to stop rushing.” Ask yourself, what does the pursuit of happiness mean to you?You are a human being. Can you stop please rushing? Click To Tweet
The Pursuit Of Happiness
What does the pursuit of happiness mean to you? I’ll tell you one thing. It does not live in statements such as, “I’ll be happier when I get a divorce, go on a diet, I’m alone. I’ll be better off when I make more money.” Do you see that cyclical pattern? Many of us, you have one or more of those can start to sit here, read this and say, “That phrase, ‘I’ll be better when or things will be better if’ is in my vocabulary, how do I get rid of that?” If this sounds familiar to you, is ringing true for you to be in a constant loop of the lies, it’s the big egoic lie that the hot pursuit of a better life is never in your grasp. It’s always in the future. The cyclical cycling lies that you tell yourself when you get to that next spot, and you consistently reframe that next spot, you get another happiness destination sentence, and the wish continues in the cycling format.
It’s like a train destination. When you are always traveling or switching trains, that is never fun. Personally, I don’t like to switch trains. I like the express route, but I also like sitting on a train and looking out the window. With happiness destination addiction, the ticket is non-refundable and the conductor is not nice. You are the conductor. You are the person with the choice of running on your own train. Does the destination always have to be out of reach for you? Do you have to ask yourself why are you suffering on purpose? Where did this come from?
If you are looking for an easy hack, you are sitting here thinking, I have happiness destination addiction in my relationship or in my job, or just in my life. I want to be skinny, and I will always be happier when I’m in skinnier jeans, or I will be happier when I look better. What about the now? I’m going to tell you one of the biggest hacks. It’s a part of my work as the kind communicator. It’s based in my book, Design Your Mind to Be Kind. If you don’t have a copy, grab a copy at TheKindCommunicator.com, click on Books, and get the book, Design Your Mind to Be Kind. It has the three habits of effective communicators and the six personalities to embody your highest self. There is a habit in that book called, “Speak your Truth,” which has a secondary meaning of use your words wisely.
Speaking Your Truth
When you are rushing or consistently complaining or on the go, on the move, looking ahead rather than remaining present or celebrating the small wins, your eyes are not on the prize of the now. They are on what you are going to get. My darlings, your language, words, approach to communication manifests in your life with everything that is said consciously and subconsciously. That includes the monkey mind chatter, as well as all of the things that come out of your mouth that you repeat and that you listen to. If you say, you don’t have time, if you say you will be happier when, you are going to believe those statements. They might not actually be true. In fact, how exhausting is living in the future for you? I will ask you, how exhausting does it have to be to live the life you have imagined?
Start to use your vocabulary, change your language at the moment. In those in the moment, shifts are where we start to make a difference in our lives and in our relationships. Time is not promised to anyone. Time waits for no one. Let me ask you, who put that thought in your head, that life will be better in the future, or that golden opportunities are not right now. They are out of reach. When you are skinnier, prettier, single, married, have a kid, a job, when you move. We all have habits that need fixing. We all have habits that we can be humbled by. Quite frankly, as a communication activist, our words often get in the way. If you are thinking of happiness destination addiction as a mindset block, it is, but match that with the communication that you use, and then marry that with the new communication tools that you can put into place that will replace, I wish I could, I would need to, I will be happier when, with statements such as, I am, I will.You are the conductor. You are the person with the choice of running on your own train. Click To Tweet
These symptoms of not living in the present force you to believe that you have to get things done, you have to get to the next thing, and the next thing because it’s better. It’s that hurry mindset that creates a lack of breath. With a lack of breath, we have a lack of a sincere approach to our words, relationships, loving relationships, business relationships. Why are you in a hurry when you don’t need to be? What is wrong with your present moment so much that you have to be skinnier, better, prettier, or single. I understand you need to get a divorce, get a divorce, my friends, but be happy through that process because you made a choice. You made the decision. You took the risk.
If you think that next week will be better, next year, next boyfriend, next job, that commitment to this possibility of perfection is false. It’s a false statement of the ego because you’re consistently thinking about what’s next. Intelligence and wisdom are so valuable to all of us. In the present moment, we have to understand that our mindset is so receptive to whatever it’s filled with. I ask that you fill your mind with love. Happiness destination addiction is a habit of feeling empty now because what’s better will come in the future. How can you not be the train that is consistently stopping at every stop and saying, “My destination is still going.” What is blocking you from living your best life right now? We know that our words can get in our way. If you can put the habit of communication of kinder phrases, less repetitive phrases, and more shushing, you can use your words that are filled with happiness rather than happiness destination addictive. The idea of purpose comes to mind.
Living Your Purpose
You can ask yourself about your purpose. Why you have been placed on this earth, and that purpose will change over and over again throughout your lifetime. That purpose is embedded in your values. What are your values? Have you taken the chance to think about what your life values are at this age, at this place in your life? What is your vision for life, this very moment? What can you celebrate now, even if it’s a small one? What is going on right now that is so bad that you have to wish yourself or in the future? What can you look at in your life? Can you actually stand here, sit here, and say as you’re listening, “I love my life right now because?” Even if it’s not so great, even if we have something that we are working through. I’m living in a bunch of boxes right now. I’m about to move. I’m living in a sea of boxes, but I am focused, I am charged up, I love my clients, I love my job. I’m not letting the problems in place of my possibility. My purpose is so centered. I know my values. I’m celebrating the small wins.
I ask that you replicate this method of feeling happy right now. Who put that thought there in your head? Is it from your ego? Is it from your relationship? If so, how can you work through it? Can you be open with that? There is another great trait found in my book, Design Your Mind To Be Kind, about being a solutions-based thinker and speaker. When we speak with possibility and purpose, we come up with solutions, and although there might not be solutions, we’re always thinking with the positive, speaking with the positive.
Focus On The Possibility
If you are someone that charges through life with happiness destination addiction, there’s a good chance you’re focusing on the problems instead of possibility. Please pause here and know that happiness is where you are right now. In my coaching program, I work with adults who are not happy where they’re at. They want the help, they want the tools, they want the consistent advice to be better than they were. Over the course of months, we put them on their happiness track. When they see themselves stop and pause and don’t choose the rushing route anymore when they see themselves in the moment, they let themselves go, and they enjoy life because they believe in themselves again. They know that something is better. It could be better, but they don’t deserve to be constantly wishing for it to be better. They’re stopping at small-scale gratification and being one with the pause, being one with the monumental life force of the now.
Happiness Is Where You’re At
If you yearn to celebrate life, but you end up stopping yourself or pushing your goals towards the next month or year instead of living in the moment, are you focusing on what is realistic, or are you looking for perfect? Perfection is highly overrated. Being pleased and being fulfilled with life is something to strive for, but it’s also something to live for in the now. Happiness is where you are at, right this very moment. It is not somewhere else. It is not out of reach, no matter your circumstance. Your situation and your circumstances do not define you. Your behavior does, your language does, your words define you, your energy. If you’re relentlessly on the run, stopping your enjoyment of the day to get through it, I ask that you pause and reflect. I ask that you breathe and see, look around at the sights, the sounds, listen to the brewers, listen to the leaves sway in the wind, listen to the way that your children make their silly little noises or the way that your partner looks at you. Breathe and reflect. Celebrate your small wins.Happiness is where you are at, right at this very moment. It is not somewhere else. It is not out of reach, no matter your circumstance. Click To Tweet
Laundry is done. There you go. Got one thing checked off on your to-do list. Absolutely, good job. Brush your teeth. There you go. Changed one thing in your diet, drank some water, start small and then work your way up. When you achieve something, no matter how big or how small, you can pat yourself on the back and hug yourself. Take your arms right now and wrap them around your shoulders, and take your fingers, and dig them into the size of your arms, the upper arms there, and let that dopamine fill you up with love and the sense of accomplishment. Connect the body, mind, and spirit in the fulfillment of your physicality. Touch yourself in the now, revel at the moment, appreciate the win of being alive, being happy and free right now, reading this very podcast to make changes to your habits.
Take it easy and be kind to yourself. I work as the Kind Communicator, and in 2018, I started something called the Kindness Innovation. To innovate something means to change something that already exists, which is our habits. This campaign, the Kindness Innovation, is filled with books, filled with this podcast. I have a Facebook group, it speaks to adults about being direct, respectful, and thoughtful, not only towards others but towards themselves. I work with a lot of people who have a hard time looking at themselves as loved, secure, successful. They always see something bigger. It’s called the measuring stick, not owning your vulnerability.
Love Yourself For Who You Are
It’s difficult to do. That is why the coaching is available to love yourself for who you are, not for the things that you need to get done, to accept yourself, and to appreciate your purpose on earth right here, and although it may change. The grand idea is that you’re enjoying it all in the now. You are not going to rush anymore. I ask you this, how can you enjoy yourself in the now? Write it down, even if it’s one thing. If you have twenty things that you can write down about how you want to enjoy yourself in this very moment, year, week, and day, challenge yourself not to rush. Challenge yourself to stop the cycle of rushing.
I encourage you to read any of my communication books and to ask about my coaching sessions. The time to live fully is now, not in the future, most definitely not in the past. I’m looking to work with authentic and heroic adults who are ready to truly feel alive, to light their inner flame, to fine-tune their leadership skills, and build and rebuild their foundation over and over again until they feel secure and confident, no matter how old they are, where they live. I work with people who want to live in their bigness and rewire themselves to find their ultimate talents, dreams, and goals. If this sounds like you, if you want to become untouchable and a master of a free mind and heart, to lead happiness, destination addiction behind for good, and to choose to be happy on purpose, to focus on what matters, I ask that you write down the top ten talents that you have.
Can you answer the question of what are your top ten talents? If that takes you more than a minute to do, there might be a little bit of coaching. You might have lost yourself in the process. That is why that rushing begins. That purpose and that acceptance of self is begging you. Your intuition is saying, “Unite with me at this moment in the present.” The result of living in the now and truly knowing yourself creates the test of time for happiness. If you care for yourself and desire to light the spark within you, do the work that is not easy to do, change the way you feel on the inside and out, and let’s work together. Let’s look forward to changing your life for the better. I ask you this, share this podcast, share it with friends who may enjoy it or may need it. Maybe it’s your boss, your manager, your mom, whoever you may think may benefit from this show. Please share it in hopes of making a drop in the ocean of kick-ass, world-class, kind communicators who are happy in the now.
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