How to Give And Receive Constructive Advice
Ahhh, the beauty of opinions… everyone’s got one and we are all part of this magical world of receiving opinions and advice, but can we get better at it? I certainly think so. I mean truly, we become world-class communicators when we learn to calm down, breathe and respond.
I am a communication activist and I can talk about words and approach all day long but today I’d like to focus on how to give and receive constructive advice.
There’s a magic triangle that I placed in my recent books, Heaven on Eleven and Little Book of Love that are based in loving relationships, but the advice in the triangle and those books can equate to all types of relationships and this triangle is relevant to this article.
The magic triangle is as such: There’s a foundation and two sides that lean on one another.
When the foundation is strong, both sides are able to lean equally and some days one side may lean harder or softer but with the foundation balanced, it’s ok to be a little off because the trust is there that the bottom won’t break.
Now… think of your relationships whether work or love related in terms of healing through constructive advice to make one another better.
The foundation of trust has to be there before any advice is given or received because if its not; no matter what is said or how it’s said, the bottom may break. Without trust, communication is nothing but words… fluff… bah!
But, with trust, the foundation laid is strong. It’s like a dancer’s floor that’s strong to leap but soft to return from the leap.
Now… in my other book, Design your Mind to be Kind, I talk about the 3 habits of effective communicators and the 6 personalities to embody your highest self. Inside that beautiful book which you should get BTW, there’s a chapter called Solutions Based Thinking. It talks about being a solutions based speaker and thinker which really means that no matter what you face or no matter what you say to someone, start with a positive. Start with some kindness and follow it up with a solution.
I’m a marketing consultant and a coach, I speak to clients daily about their habits and behaviors and this is my golden rule because this is how we healthily learn! We learn about the good things and then the softer part of receiving the “work” isn’t as hard or detrimental to the soul. It may be a bit embarrassing but when there’s love that runs through words and advice, it’s easier to receive and understand.
So when you give advice or receive advice, being kind is a leadership ability. Be the light, not the dark.Pointing or blaming at someone is like scolding a baby for not getting something right the first time.
If you want to grow, start with a positive. Be a solutions based thinker. That my friends, builds the foundation for both sides to lean and trust… You get to build your triangle as a world-class communicator.
Everyone has an opinion and while some of it is good, there are other parts that you won’t agree with. That’s a natural part of life. No feedback is ever written in stone. Options and advice can be valuable and especially when they’re coming from someone who loves you or mentors you, take some of it and anything that you don’t agree with don’t hammer it out on them or throw it away. Store it up there in your mind or in your heart and learn from it anyway. It doesn’t do you any good to be so stubborn. That’s just ego telling you that you need to be right and they need to be wrong.
People give advice because they can see something you might not be able to see and well, there are some jerks out there who are so filled with ego, power and demand that they’re not truthful but that’s where the magic triangle comes in. If the foundation is not strong, you will know not to lean on those types of ego-based people. Build boundaries and take it all in with grace.
It’s a natural instinct for us to tell others what’s wrong first but if you start to use more love and kindness, compassion and empathy, use your soft skills, dear ones; you’ll be doing both yourself and others a favor as a solutions based thinker and speaker and soon, everyone’s opinion won’t bother you as much anymore because you know your truth. You’ll know how to handle the things you hear that you don’t like but there will be the slight urge to keep it for later as you may need it. Take and apply what you agree with and store and comprehend what you don’t because chances are it may come up again in the form of advice from someone else and you’ll say, oh man, maybe I do really need to work on that.
And that’s why coaching is awesome. In fact, if you agree, listen to my latest podcast.
We’re not perfect human beings. We’re imperfectly perfect and it’s kinda awesome being that way. Life long learners are the bomb. Being authentic is better than being right. It just is…
Have a great Friday. Be kind.
Need some more advice. Set up a virtual coffee or martini here. I’m up for both. Let’s rock 2021 to its core.
Elizabeth Barry is a top producing Marketing Consultant and Executive Coach in Monmouth County NJ providing solutions, ideas and branding to companies, entrepreneurs and individuals looking to up-level. Elizabeth is a communication coach who partners with professionals who desire coaching to accelerate their success, make better choices, create balance and who want more out of life.
As a top producing New Jersey Coach and Consultant with over 20 years of experience advising, coaching and speaking within B2B, B2C, entrepreneurial, small business and executive environments, she thrives in all types of client relationships. Elizabeth Barry is a nationally recognized speaker and has recently published her sixth personal development book. As a result of her work, clients, audiences and fans are motivated, productive, less stressed, and are happier because of it.
Elizabeth Barry is New Jersey’s most trusted Marketing Consultant for entrepreneurs and Executive Coach for B2B and B2C offices. www.TheKindCommunicator.com