Elizabeth Barry taps into the potential of her listeners as she shares three powerful stories of conviction and overcoming fear to speak to three people that she wanted to engage with in her life: Matt Dillon, Adrian Grenier, and Skye Dyer. Listen in if you’re feeling stuck behind your fears and wish to develop the courage, confidence, and curiosity to go beyond ego with Elizabeth Barry.
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The Courage, Confidence, And Curiosity To Win
How To Get Over Your Fears
I’d like to take you on a journey beyond the ego where life is beginning again where you’re unafraid, you’re taking your fears, and you’re pushing them aside. I want to introduce you to the three C’s of our conversation, curiosity, courage, and confidence. As adults, we all say we have a lot of courage, confidence and curiosity. Some of us are parents, CEOs, and leaders of organizations and I know that we’re all in this together and sometimes we falter and fear gets the best of us. I wanted to tell you about a few funny times where the fear got to me, but I allowed those three C’s to help push me through and they became great memories of mine.
The first one was when I moved on to the Upper West Side in New York City. I had begun to see Matt Dillon, who’s the famous actor walking around some of my favorite places on the Upper West Side. He used to frequent my favorite Italian restaurant. I used to say to myself, “I want to go up and say hi.” I want to introduce myself to him but I was so fearful of doing that. I didn’t want to come off as a celebrity person that would be bothering him. At the time, I thought, “I’m curating TEDx Upper West Side Women and Matt Dillon probably have some interesting people that he can introduce me to be speakers.” I said to myself, “The next time I see him I’m going to speak to him,” because I kept seeing him across the street. There was this one time, I believe, it was about 11:00 AM and I was coming home from the Museum of Natural History. I went there in the morning and he walked into my favorite Italian restaurant.
Overcoming Fear: You have to recognize the value of your confidence and curiosity in getting over your fears in order to step into your courage.
I said to myself, “I’m going to go in and I’m going to talk to him. This is going to be the day.” I went into this Italian restaurant, it’s 11:00 PM and I ordered a glass of white wine. I started writing some notes and thinking about what I was going to say. I didn’t have a notepad because I was coming from the museum, so I started writing them on a bar napkin and getting my courage. My phone was running out of batteries. I didn’t know what else to do except to fidget. As I finished my wine, I got the courage, I had the confidence and I got curious with myself because I said, “What if he was intrigued?”
I stepped off my barstool, walked around the bar, put out my hand and shook Matt Dillon’s hand and I said, “Hello, I’m Elizabeth Barry, how are you? Nice to meet you.” We ended up having a lovely conversation. He gave me two speakers that I’m still in contact with and friends with to speak at my TEDx Upper West Side Women event. They were incredible and I also told him about the men’s vulnerability book that I was writing. I’ve been writing this book for quite some time.
He was so intrigued by the topic of men’s vulnerability that we ended up having a 45-minute conversation. In fact, we stayed in touch for about two years thereafter and it was wonderful. I’m sure none of you are out there with a lot of celebrity sightings, but I want you to recognize the value of my courage, confidence, and curiosity there to get over my fears and step into my courage. I had a great TEDx Upper West Side Women event. Two of the speakers were thanks to him and I got a nod from Matt Dillon to say, “I need a men’s vulnerability book,” so here we go. It’s going to be published in 2021, so stay tuned for that.
There was another time when I was in Chicago, in 2018, I believe. I was in Chicago for a big branding and marketing event and Adrian Grenier, another actor and was on Entourage. He was one of the keynote speakers and he got up there and he gave a talk about the lonely whale. I learned that he had been following a whale that they named 52 which is 52 is the frequency of the HTRZ or whatever they use for whale frequencies in the water when they make their call. Fifty-two was the frequency that the whale that they have been following was making. It was a different frequency than any of the other whales. He had no pod, family or friends to swim so they were following him and understanding why he has a different frequency. Being an animal lover, I thought it was so fascinating. At the end of the event, I raised my hand. I had a question and people were like, “That was a great question.” The second part of that question was, I asked him for a hug.
I went there and I was that girl. I had my courage, confidence, and curiosity on and I said, “What if he said no?” He said yes and he would give me a hug. After my question, because it was such a great question, and his answer was so powerful that it had gone a little bit over and he got rushed out. Everyone went to lunch. I was standing in the auditorium, thinking where my hug was. The first part was answered, but the second part wasn’t. I wasn’t satisfied with it at all. Everyone went to lunch and I was escorted with my team that I was with into the lunchroom or wherever we were in the hotel. I sat down with my plate and I was absolutely not satisfied. I got up from the chair and told my colleagues that I would be right back. I left the hall looking for Adrian Grenier because I wanted my hug. People were telling me, “He went back to LA. He’s on a flight.” I didn’t believe them because I knew it wasn’t right. I searched. I was running and walking around frantically because I wanted to get the second part of my question.
Lo and behold, someone had found me. They came up and they acknowledged me for such a great question and for bringing us such a great topic for the keynote. They escorted me into this bathroom where Adrian was and everyone cheered when I walked in and Adrian and I embraced in a hug and I thought, “What a great moment.” We took a photo. I have a photo if you want to see and you can message me or email me. It was such a great feeling to know that I wasn’t satisfied, I went looking for him, got my hug and it felt good. I also followed him and the
Lonely Whale Foundation. In fact, I met his executive director from that event and she also spoke at my TEDx Upper West Side Women Event. Her name is
Dune Ives. I’ve been in touch with Adrian and his foundation for quite some time. I encourage all of my readers to do the same. The Lonely Whale Foundation is incredible.
The next courage, confidence and curiosity moment that I had with another celebrity was with Wayne Dyer’s daughter. All of you know that if you’ve been following my work that it’s been inspired by Wayne Dyer’s teachings. I used to listen to Wayne Dyer on PBS on channel 13 and I’ve been doing it for over twenty years. I remember going to sleep when I started to learn about personal professional development. I started to think about what self-love meant because I didn’t understand. I was in my early twenties and I was confused, frustrated and I wanted to change.
Overcoming Fear: Doubt causes us to think in unnatural ways. It causes us to think that we can’t achieve our goals or that our ideas are too far-fetched.
I knew I had habits that I didn’t like and everyone was talking about self-love. It was such a big topic then and the quality of life. I didn’t understand what self-love meant. Was it a bubble bath, having a glass of wine, or was it going to the movies with yourself? I did all those things, but I didn’t understand what the self-love meant until I started to follow Wayne Dyer at that time. I dug deep into his work, which now embraces and kisses in the body of my work on the kindness, innovation, and vulnerability in everything that I do in my coaching, speaking and all of the things that I write in my book.
I followed Wayne and I listened to his six CDs. I had a six-CD changer for quite some time, way back when in the ‘90s and early 2000s. I would go to sleep with them and I knew them by heart. I followed Wayne and I ended up meeting him and I met one of his right-hand women. She cohosted and spoke at two of my TEDx Hoboken Women events. I got over my fears, I stepped into my courage and my confidence. I saw Wayne at a yoga festival and I went up to the stage and I was like, “I want him to speak at my event.” Although he was a little bit too much money, I ended up meeting his right-hand woman and so many people in his organization that every time he was going to speak in New York at I Can Do It! events, I had front row seats. I had a seat in front of my favorite mentor in the entire world that would say, “Reserved. Elizabeth Barry. Guest.” I thought, “Wow.” I got over my fear, my confidence and stepped into my curiosity. I asked to become a part of who he was and his teachings, his learnings and got in there.
There was a time where I was working on my TEDx Upper West Side Women event, this is after Wayne’s passing, I thought, “I want his daughter Skye to sing at my event.” She’s a long shot. She lives in Florida, so I had written to her. We embraced each other and engaged in a conversation. At the time, she wasn’t available on the date that I was having my event, but I kept on it and persisted. I had asked her through and through the month of the planning, “Did anything change? Do you think you might be able to make it?” It did change. She did decide to come and sing at my TEDx Upper West Side Women event. I ended up giving her a chance to speak as well and I coached her. Here I am becoming a coach and a life mentor to so many about careers and relationships based on her father’s teaching. I’m on the Upper West Side sitting outside at a table at a restaurant, having coaching calls with his daughter Skye Dyer on her talk and providing her insights to my TEDx audience.
It was a fabulous, courageous, and confident time in my life where I wanted these things and they seem so far-fetched, but I manifested them and brought them to reality. That is what Beyond Ego is all about. I don’t care how old, wise, rich, powerful you are or where you live, we all have doubts about ourselves. We all have times in our lives where we let fear stand in the way with its folded arms. It causes us to think in unnatural ways and that we can’t achieve our goals or it’s like, “That idea is too far-fetched.” Most of the time and many times, we put it to the wayside. We put our dreams, goals, wishes and our desires to the wayside thinking that they’re too big.
In fact, I want to tell you that they’re not big enough. Anything can happen and anything is possible. The more that you contribute to your innermost courage, feelings, your thoughts and emotions based on the ideas that you think are way far-fetched, they’re not. I give you these three examples because they were vague. I’m a TEDx curator, I posted seventeen TEDx events. I did all the marketing, publicity, and I coached every single one of my speakers to the stage. I created a speaker coaching program and I’m proud of that, but these three celebrity insights happened to be at the same one that I was hosting when I moved to the Upper West Side. I want everyone out there to know that you can make anything happen because it doesn’t have to have anything to do with celebrities. What is the celebrity anyway? They’re people like ourselves living a different life where they’re in the spotlight.
When we think about courage, confidence, and curiosity in our own ways, we can tap into the ways in which we’re not achieving them. We have to ask ourselves why and what is holding us back? Is it fear? Is it the idea that we’re not good enough, not enough, not smart enough or not have the opportunity? I get so many noes when I try to speak at a conference here or speak at a conference there. There are so many noes, but there are so many yeses because of the idea of putting your courage, confidence, and curiosity out there to think, “What if?” The idea of what-ifs are so powerful. Every no that you get is another step on the staircase of life where there are going to be more yeses. Things you might view with your lens as not possible could be possible.
I told you this three-pronged story of courage, confidence, and curiosity with Adrian Grenier, Skye Dyer, and Matt Dillon to let you know that anything can be brought to life if you allow yourself to do it. I have so many stories of curating events or going off to speak at different events from Vegas to LA to Hartford, Connecticut to anywhere in the world. I put myself in a position to say, “If they say no, there’s always another option, event, and person that I can ask.” If they say no, there’s going to be a lesson for me there because every no gives us a chance to say, “I have to ask the question. I’ve gotten over my fears and stepped into my courage to put my voice out there.”
The time is always now and here beyond Earth. Always think of yourself in the present moment and dive deep into that courage because it will, in fact, give you an answer. Whether or not it’s going to be an answer that you like, it’s certainly going to be an answer that gives you a chance to say to yourself, “I did that. I got over my fear and I stepped into my courage.” That makes you more confident and allows you to give yourself the idea and to know and dive deep into that knowing, that wisdom that the more curious you can be in your life, the more you can achieve. A closed mind is a dark mind. An open mind is a light mind. Keep reaching for the stars. Whether they are celebrity stars or not, they’re available and they are at reach. You only have to get over your fear. I’ll talk to you soon.
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